Sunday, November 16, 2014

Hi Sean



Hi Sean,

First of all, thanks for dropping by. And more thanks for sharing your thoughts. You know, my foremost reason for blogging my stories is to find  "comrades-in-arms", people who are in the same situation like me.


Kasi di ba, maski paano, you find peace and comfort knowing that there are people out there who share the same story and most of all the same worries. Especially someone like me, who is not out. Telling my stories and reading those comments and advices somehow lighten my load.

Marami na akong naging relasyon before and after Aris. Seryoso o panangdaliang realsyon sa iba't ibang lalaki. But my relationship with Aris was something special - bata pa ako noon e, nalulungkot, masama ang loob sa mundo, naghahanap ng kakampi. Tapos nakita ko siya, aaminin ko, noong una, physical yung attraction ko sa kanya e - gwapo naman kasi siya talaga - pero lalo akong napalapit sa kanya ng malaman kong pareho lang pala kaming maraming insecurities sa katawan. That binded us together.

Aris and I lasted for ten years. But even before we became "US" it was very clear from the start that he will marry. It never became an issue between us or even with his immediate family who knew about our relationship. Ang daming beses nga within those ten years na nanligaw ako for him, kasi nga he is a disabled person and having been rejected because of that, nahihiya siyang mag-approach.

So with that as a background, pwede ng mag-conclude that I am already toughened and mentally-prepared pag nag-asawa na si Aris. Pero you cannot be prepared for that pala. I mean how do you prepare yourself getting hit by an train? Pano ba, pasagasa ka muna sa biseklata tapos motorsiklo tapos kotse tapos truck tapos pag na-immune ka sa pain tsaka ka pasasagasa sa train?

But everytime you get hit, you experience a different kind of pain so much so that when the most painful of the pains finally hit you, wala ng sakit pero you become numb and resentful, mawawala na yung paniniwala mo sa love. That kind of pain, I hope I will never feel again.

Having that as a backgrounder, gusto ko lang ibigay ang opinyon ko sa pinamahalagang bahagi ng sulat mo:

I'm 29 now at nagsasabi ako sa kanya na I want to have my own children at family. pumayag sya kaso nasasaktan at natatakot ako sa nararamdaman nya. 12 years is not that easy to let go lalo na mahal na mahal ko sya. 

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kayo nagtagal ng 12 years but frankly speaking I don't think love is the reason. Madali lang magkaroon ng anak kung anak lang ang gusto mo e tsaka sabi mo naman you don't care if your family finds out about your relationship with him pero yung naisip mong iwan siya dahil gusto mo na ng ibang mundo, ibig sabihin hindi ganap yung pagmamahal mo sa kanya.

Aris and I lasted for ten years - on our eight year, naging complacent na nga ako, ako na nga yung nawawala sa buhay niya because I became busy and there he was, always looking for me. As our relationship went farther, I began entertaining the thought that there is a chance that "US" can be forever. But on our ninth year, I felt that it was wishful thinking. And on our tenth year, altho I knew from day one what he wanted, nasaktan pa rin ako.

Twelve years together and you still felt that need to have another life ibig sabihin you felt an emptiness that your relationship cannot fill. May kulang. Pag nagmamahal ka, hindi ka makukulangan e. Di ba ganun yun?

So can you imagine what is going through his mind now?

Syempre sasabihin mong mali ako and I will not fault you for that but I am just curious - sabi mo pumayag siya sa gusto mo, meron ba siyang choice? Kung sinabi ba niyang ayaw niya, susunod ka ba sa gusto niya?

Hindi ko sasabihin sa iyong wag kang magpamilya. Ang i-advise ko lang sa iyo, think clearly and know what it is that you really want. You need to do that hindi lang para sa iyo o para sa iyong BF kundi na rin sa babaing magiging partner mo. It will not do you any good to go into a relationship half-heartedly. Sa kangkungan lang kayo mapupunta niyan.

PS

Kung magpapamilya ka tapos may kasunduan kayong magkikita pa rin paminsan-minsan, wag mong gagawin yun. You cannot serve two masters, mahuhuli ka rin. Kung magkahulihan na and believe me magkakahulihan, marami na masyado ang masasaktan, ayaw mo naman sigurong mangyari yun.

Sorry if my reply is not as sane as you hoped it should. I am insanely sad as of the moment and I don't know when I'd get over it or if I'll get over it.












6 comments:

  1. I frequent this blog and this is the first time I guess I felt like writing a comment. I absolutely agree with Gaston - if after 12 years there is still that void, then there is something wrong with the relationship. I kinda saw myself in this situation as I always wanted kids of my own, but being with another man makes it a tad more difficult, difficult but not impossible. You just need to know what your priorities are, and where you see yourself in the future. To Gaston, I hope you find your joy soon as your bloggers draw ours from you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very good cocksucker here. Hindi ka magsisi sa akin - 09261593946 text me

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks Sir for the comments and I appreciate your thoughts at least I heard different perspective. I just want to clear that nothing wrong with our relationship. I agree with you that we initially agreed that even if in case I go on pursuing marrying in the future we will still continue our relationship. My problem maybe what if he met another guy? I maybe selfish because I want to hold 2 relationships at the same time.
    rest assured guys that I am not hurted by your comments I actually welcome it because I cannot open this kind of topic and/or kind of relationship with my friends because all they i am straight and not in a relationship.

    Thanks a lot Sir Gaston.

    seanm1669@gmail.com


    P.S.
    please messagee your cp no may be if you have spare time we can have coffee? thanks again

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nasa M2M relationship tapos mag-aasawa ka, ibig sabihin ba isa kang bisexual? Meron ka bang previous experience sa babae? Kung wala, oh boy, wag mo ng pagpatuloy. Pardon the words that I will use pero ang experience sa babae ay hindi lamang kakayahang magpatigas ng burat kundi kakayahang magmahal din sa opposite sex.

      I kinda agree with the blog owner, you cannot serve two masters at the same time, cheating din yun. Tsaka medyo hindi ka rin swapang ha, gusto mong mag-asawa pero natatakot kang baka pag iniwan mo siya ay maghanap siya ng iba. Ano naman gusto mo, magmukmok siya sa isang sulok at iyakan ang isang pag-ibig na hindi naman siya pinahalagahan. At kung natatakot kang makakita siya ng ibang guy ibig sabihin you still have feelings for him e di dinadaya mo naman yung pakakasalan mo.

      Magulo brod ang kwento mo. Bago ka pumasok sa panibagong relasyon, umayos ka muna. Gaya ng sabi ng blog owner, alamin mo talaga kung ano gusto mo. Ako diretsahan na, bibingka o longganisa? Hindi pwedeng pagsabayin yan, kasi pag ginawa mo yun, "fuck-buddies" lang talaga kailangan mo at hindi "heart-partner".

      Gets? Wag kang magalit, di kita inookray, realidad lang. Gaya ng iiwan mo, iniwanan din ako. Nasaktan din ako pero gaya ng ikinatatakot mo, naghanap ako ng magmamahal sa akin. Alangan naman siya lang ang masaya.

      PS din

      Blog owner, interesante kang tao, pwede EB? Am a good boy. Sending you my cp# and real FB account sa iyong email.

      Am not into looks kaya wag mo ng gamiting excuse yun.....

      Delete
  4. Hi Anonymous Mon Nov 17,
    10:21:00 AM. Thank you for your comment hindi ako galit I am actually thankful sa comment but pls understand I said I am selfish nga kasi ayoko magkaroon sya ng iba bukod sa akin. Yup nagkaroon ako ng GF bago ko sya nagkilala at kahit kami may naging gf ako with his permission. With regard naman sa same sex sya lang talaga nakasama at nakasex ko for 12 years

    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love is blind and greed is insatiable

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